Wednesday, July 30, 2014

And So We Begin

There were times that I wondered, in earnest, if my friends and I would be okay- if we would survive our teenage folly to be decent adults. For the most part, I'd like to think that we are, and most of us are still around for the time being.

Here are few of the truths that I've been dealing with recently:
  • There are things that you can't fix, no matter how much of yourself you pour into them
  • People who are determined to remain broken are going to stay that way- don't waste yourself on them
  • Betrayal hurts like a mofo (corollary: if you betray me, I will never trust you completely again)
  • There's a point in life past which your damage is your fault, not anyone else's, so suck it up, buttercup. You're the author of your existence, so you have to fix you.
  • When you're dismissive or disrespectful of people, it reflects poorly on you, not them

and, here's a big one:

  • I may love you, but I don't have to like you. 

I ran into one of my cousins who rather famously thought it was okay, at the age of eighteen, to throw rocks at twelve year-old me when I was sent to fetch him home one summer evening. All I could think, when another relative decided to make him speak to me at the funeral was "ROCKS!" I don't care how distinguished his career as a combat pilot was; to me, he will always be that mean so-and-so who considered his twelve year-old female cousin on par with a mangy dog. I'm forty-five and he's fifty-one. Rocks. That's going to be how I relate to him for the rest of our lives. I love him, but I don't have to like him.

My two greatest fears are being abandoned and being publicly humiliated; I've had to deal with both of those firsthand recently. The thing I wonder about is why someone would gripe about having no life, then verbally eviscerate his only friend. Exit gracefully- if he'd stayed for the fallout, he'd know that I did. (Again, I may love you, but I don't have to like you.) My mother would've been proud of me, although it might have ended differently if I'd had access to rocks...

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