Monday, March 28, 2011

The Castle of ARGH

So...I have done everything I've read about GERD and hiatal hernias, and I still have this dull pain level with my LapBand port. I called last week and made an appointment to follow up with my bariatric practice, especially because I've stumbled on a few recent articles on adjustable gastric band failures. Also, a nurse back home with whom I was in marching band, who went to the same surgeon and had the same model of LapBand about a month before I had mine, recently had to have hers replaced with a Realize band.

When I went in to have my saline fill pulled a little over a month ago, the P.A. said to me as I was leaving that my best option, should my band actually be failing or damaged, was sleeve gastrectomy. Umm...well...I know someone else who's had that surgery, and his results have been, in a word, dramatic. He's a funny guy, and I've heard him talk about that ravioli, yes, ONE ravioli, that he was planning to savor for his lunch. It would be an enormous adjustment.

I went into weight loss surgery with my head on fairly straight, or so I thought. Yes, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't end up thin- but the flipside is that I didn't end up dead, either. Now that I'm watching my mother struggle with limited mobility, due in part to old age as well as obesity, I'm scared that I'll eventually end up in the same situation. My cousin who died during a botched Roux-en-Y bypass when I was a teenager, well, the skin on her legs began to split from the strain of her massive obesity and her skin oozed and wept watery liquid. The same thing is happening to my mother, and it terrifies me. I don't have children who can come and look after me as I age.

What will happen if I can't get all of this weight off? Nothing stinks like desperation...and I'm afraid that it's beginning to waft gently on the breeze...

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