The prospect of this summer's Weird Al concert in Knoxville has thrown me into a little navel-gazing in which I really didn't want to engage. I can't find anyone to go with me. Al's kind of an acquired taste and it takes a real trouper to sit through three hours or so of his melodic stylings. The concert is on a Thursday night, which precludes a great many people of my acquaintance from attending, although I'm not sure I really know anyone else who would be willing, let alone eager, to go.
This is probably the third or fourth thing I wanted to do this year that I haven't been able to, simply because I had no escort. Being of a certain age and not churchy or married or a parent kind of obviates the normal social routes in the area where I live. I tried taking ballroom lessons a while back, but without a regular partner, I ended up paired with the seventy year-old gent who reminded me of my uncle or the KKK biker guy who made me cringe every time I had to let him lead (i.e., touch me). Because I work a couple of nights a week, too, it was difficult for me to find any other social outlets that fell when I could attend, like the local kennel club meetings.
What I'm getting at is that, well, most people who've known me for a long time tend to think I'm outgoing to the point of being overwhelming. I hate to break this to everybody, but I'm one hell of an actress. I'm painfully shy, I am fundamentally bad at meeting people and/or making new friends, and when it comes down to things like this concert, my tastes are so very narrowly defined that despite having a few close friends, I can't find anyone who would really want to go to this.
As I've said before, precious few people actually know me. Those who do, really well, anyway, realize that my overwhelming fear of rejection is a driving factor, almost to crippling levels- and therein lies my cowardice and refusal to seek out the only other person I know who might be interested in this concert.
I probably need to give up on the idea of attending public events. While I don't mind things like dining by myself, usually at a restaurant bar, or going shopping unaccompanied, there are a lot of things it's just not too bright to try to do alone. Guess I'm passing on Weird Al.